Manners of Visiting

3.1 KEEPING APPOINTMENTS, DELAYS AND CANCELLATION
In the first verse of Surat Al-Mai’da, Allah called upon the believers ‘O’ you the Believers, fulfill your promises.’ In Surat Maryam Allah also praised Prophet Ismail may peace be upon him ‘He was true to his promise. He was a Messenger and a Prophet.’

To keep an appointment is vital to our lives, since time is the most precious commodity, once wasted it could not be replaced. If you made an appointment, whether to a friend, colleague or for business you should do your utmost to keep this appointment. This is the right of the other person who gave you part of their time and may have declined other appointments. Not only have you disrupted their schedule but you have marred your image and personality. If your punctuality becomes lousy you will lose people’s respect. You should keep all your appointments whether it was with an important person,a close friend or someone else. You will be responding to the call of Allah in Surat Al-Issra’ ‘and keep your promises. The promise is a responsibility.’

It is enough to know that our kind Prophet gave an appointment to one of his companions. The companion came three days later. The Prophet gently reprimanded him ‘You have caused me some trouble. I have been waiting expecting you since three days.’ The companion probably had an excuse for this delay. Then, he had no means to inform the Prophet about his inability to meet the appointment.

Today, fast and reliable communication means are available everywhere. As soon as you realize you will not be able to keep an appointment, you should inform the other parties to enable them to utilize their time. Do not be careless or irresponsible. Do not think that the appointment is so unimportant that it does not merit a notice or an apology. This is totally irrelevant. Regardless of its importance an appointment is a commitment. It must be kept or canceled properly in advance.

Never make a promise while you do not intend to keep it or fulfill it. This is forbidden as it falls within lying and hypocrisy. Al-Bukhari and Muslim narrated that the Prophet said: ‘Three traits single out hypocrites, even if he prayed and/or fast and claimed to be Muslim: If he talks, he lies. If he promises, he does not keep it. If he is entrusted, he betrays the trust.’

Imam Ghazali in Al-Ihya said that this Hadith fits those who promise while intending not to fulfill it, or those who, without excuse, decide later not to fulfill a promise. Those who promise but could not fulfill, their promise due to a proper excuse are not hypocrites. But we should be careful not to create excuses that are not valid. Allah knows our inner thoughts and intentions.

3.2 DECLINING A VISIT
If you visit friends with or without an appointment and they apologize for not being able to receive you, accept their apology without ill-feeling. You should understand that something may have come up compelling them to decline your visit. Their own affairs, or the state of their house, may have made your visit inconvenient. It is perfectly all right for them to ask to be excused.

The follower (Tabi’ee) Qatada bin Di‘ama Al-Sadüsy said: ‘Do not hang around at the door of those who declined your visit. Accept their reason, leave to attend your business, and let them attend their own business.’ Do not ask for reason or explanations. Imam Malik used to say: ‘Not all people can disclose their reasons.’ Accordingly, when it comes to visiting, our righteous ancestors used to say to their hosts: ‘Perhaps you just became busy and cannot receive us,’ making them feel at ease in case they wanted to be excused. Imam Al-Tabari in his Tafseer (18:113) reported that a man of Muhajirin said: ‘All my life, I wanted to practice this Sura ‘If you are told to turn back then do so, it is much better for you’ but I could not. I was hoping I will seek permission to visit a brother and he will tell me: Go back! I gladly will go back fulfilling this directive to Allah.

This particular etiquette is very important in order to remove any ill-feelings that could linger because of declining of a visit. Allah SWT said, ‘If you are asked to go back, go back: that makes for greater purity.’

Many people do not know what to do, and become disturbed by the visit of someone whom they do not want to receive under the circumstances, and may resort to lying. Not only their children learn these bad manners, but such behaviour may lead to antipathy.

The Quranic etiquette provides a better alternative to such unpleasantness and guards us against lying. It provides for the host to kindly present a reason to visitors and asks that they accept it in good faith and without hesitation: ‘If you are asked to go back, go back: that makes for greater purity.’

from the book ISLAMIC MANNERS
By Shaykh Abdul-Fattaah Abu Ghuddah (RA)

3 thoughts on “Manners of Visiting”

  1. Sallam –
    I (wife) am wondering what the Islamic jurisprudence is when my husbands very good friend and his family come and visit for one month from overseas. We live in the USA and I work full time. And, Allhamdullilah, Insha Allah .. i don’t ever forget my duties. So, hot dinners, clean house are all met. With the additions of these guests sometimes the friend (husband’s friend) likes to inspect the fridge, walks about the house so I can never take my hijjab off … even sometimes when I want some time with my husband downstairs … we think he has gone to sleep but comes up and down the stairs….argh. …
    Then to top it off my husband doesn’t reprimand him…. he has brought his wife but wife doesn’t help too much in the home. The length of stay is 1 month.
    Allhamdullilah I keep quiet and have asked why quietly… Apparently he is considered one of his brothers. And my dislike is my problem. I am the one with the problem. I am the one who doesn’t get it…. Apparently he has done things for him and his family that is so great (what? i don’t know) …

    What is wrong with this picture?
    …. I feel we are being taken advantage of … my husband is extremely patient with him taking him and his wife shopping for 6-7 hours a day… and he isn’t a patient man when it comes to shopping… and now they are going for Hajj and my husband and I don’t even have enough money to take a vacation….. let alone hajj…I work to pay the living of my family Allhamdullilah… yes, I make more than my husband ….

    Bottom line I should be inline with my husband thinking that our house is his “brothers” house as well….

    What does Islam say about this… ? …

    Wassallam
    UmmMuad.

  2. Dear Friend

    I am a Muslim woman myself of 65 and have lived long enough I believe to make a comment to a fellow Muslim. God is fair. The brother knows his place but does not show good manners. You are. You and your spouse are patient and the brother is taking advantage of something good he has done and holding the family ransom. You have rights as a woman. Ask your husband to ask his brother to give your family space, and that a month is a long time for you all to stay together. Ask your husband if it is wise for you yourself to speak to the brother. I doubt that he will allow it, but it shows that you are determined to get your space back. I had one of those fridge loafers in my house, and I ended it.

  3. Assalamu alaikum.
    I am a muslima who lives alone in a village where cousins and Muslim friends live.
    I have open invitations to visit at any time and to join them for meals.
    But i am unsure of the etiquette of visiting.
    I am often chided that unless I get a specific invitation to visit, I won’t. Which is true as I find it inappropriate to just drop by in spite of their may requests to do so.
    What is the Islamic ruling for this?
    Jazak Allah khayr

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