Tag: Marriage

Prove Your Love Daily

Quote

Whats the point of trying to impress the women of the world and send them gifts with messages, emails, phonecalls, cards, roses etc when the wife you chose and the “Queen” who bore your children is ignored. She deserves all that and more!

How can one day be set aside for love when the year has 365+ days? Its a cheap way to run away from responsibilty and abuse women. A daily sacrifice is required… to prove love and the sweetest of statements which should be reflected in our behaviour should be routinely repeated – but to those who really deserve them!

The most deserving of our kindness, love and affection throughout our lives are our spouses, children, parents, siblings & family before everyone else. Don’t jump the gun by going further at the expense of those closer.

Did you know that many homes are broken on Valentines over a rose! Where did it comes from, why was it sent, why was it not sent etc. What a great deception.

Blessed are those who are conscious of their Maker for indeed a true believer is transparent & avoids all sinful hidden private secret relations that only add stress in life after the short excitement.

Let’s not be from those who “Fought-in February”

Mufti Ismail Menk

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Keep the Spark of Love Alive

Marriage

As the days come to closer to one’s marriage, excitement, ecstasy and elation pump through the bride and groom. The build up to marriage is an experience of thrill and jubilation. When the marriage is solemnised, one’s happiness and delight is on the verge of brimming and tipping over. When the newlywed couple meet for the first time, words cannot describe the sweetness of the bliss, serenity, pleasure and elation tasted by the two.

If every day of the marriage can mirror the first day of marriage, and every night reflect the first night of marriage, then the marriage will be a euphoric experience on this world.

The gentleness, passion, love, tenderness displayed on the first day and night of the marriage should be portrayed throughout one’s life.

The first couple of months are always a ‘honeymoon’. Once the couple settle down, then reality begins. Many couples fail at this point. The husband gets engrossed in his job. He comes home tired and late, feeling hungry and tired. He demands for the food and feels lazy to do anything. He eats, puts the dirty plates in the sink and lies down on the sofa. He might awaken to perform salāh if he is conscious of salāh. Otherwise, he wakes up later on towards the night, phones a few friends, watches TV and keeps ordering the wife to get him x and y. When it is time to sleep, the husband if he is feeling in a good mood he will have relations with his wife-but only to satisfy his needs. Once he is fulfilled, he stops and drops off to sleep. Whether the wife is satisfied or not does not even cross his mind. This becomes the routine of his life.

The wife on the other hand, she initially tries to please her husband. She slowly loses her enthusiasm as she does not receive enough attention from her husband. She cooks to please her husband. She will put effort into her food. She will try and perfect every detail in the food. The presentation, ingredients and spices are put meticulously so they complement each other. After a while she begins to tire from this as the husband does not comment or he criticises her food. As soon as the husband goes to work, she is on the phone to her associates. She cooks, watches TV, cleans the house and enjoys her day before her husband comes home. Once the husband comes, she becomes a slave again.

This style of marriage where there is no affection shown, no real emotion transmitted from one party to the other is heading towards destruction.

The husband needs to implement the romance the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam displayed. We consider Romeo to be romantic but not the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam. If I was to say the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was the most romantic individual, I would not be lying. Looking attentively to the biography of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam, you will find that he was extending a great deal of respect to his wives and was displaying high attention, care and love toward them.

He was the best example for the ideal manners toward the wife. He was comforting for his wives, wiping their tears, respecting their emotions, hearing their words, caring for their complaints, alleviating their sadness, going in picnics with them, racing with them, bearing their abandonment, discussing matters with them, keeping their dignity, supporting them in emergencies, declaring his love to them and was very happy with such love.

The husband and wife have to bond with one another psychologically, physically and spiritually. Here are some attractive examples and points we need to adopt to achieve a marriage of romance:

1. Know their feelings

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was telling Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha : “I know well when you are pleased or angry with me. Aisha replied: How you know that? He said: When you are pleased with me you swear by saying “By the God of Mohammad” but when you are angry you swear by saying “By the God of Ibrahim”. She said: You are right, I don’t mention your name.”[i]

The husband and wife should be aware of each other’s feelings. The husband should be able to gauge when his wife is upset or sad, likewise the wife should be able to read her husband’s behaviour. By being conscious of one another’s feelings, it will help in resolving any differences. When your spouse is down or upset, be there to console him/her. Sit with them, speak with them, listen to them. Try and make them smile. If the husband is always conscious of his wife’s feelings, and the wife is always conscious of the husband’s feelings, then this will assist greatly in keeping the ‘flicker’ alight.

2. Console her

Sayyidah Safiyah radiallahu anha was on a journey with the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam. She was late so the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam received her while she was crying. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam wiped her tears with his own hands and tried his utmost to calm her down. [ii]

This is another feature a marriage must have. Each spouse has to be there for the other in the good and bad times. The wife should find comfort and solace in the husband and the husband should find warmth and love in his wife. Be gentle with one another.

3. Laying in the wife’s lap

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would recline in the lap of our beloved mother Sayyidah Aisha radaillahu anha even in the state when she would be menstruating. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would recite the Qur῾ān whilst reclining in his wife’s lap.[iii]

How many times have we rested in the lap of our spouse? These gestures may seem trivial but they are the acts which bring the hearts close. The wife can sense and see the love of her husband for her in such actions. Every so often come home and just go and rest in the lap of your wife. She will appreciate this gesture greatly.

4. Combing the spouse’s hair:

Aisha radiallahu anha would comb the hair of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam and wash his hair.

This is how close a couple has to be. Love evolves and grows to such an extent that a spouse yearns to do everything for the other spouse even if it simply combing their hair. To maintain a high intensity of love, do the little things for your spouse also. Little acts have a huge psychological impact on the mind of the spouse. Seldom comb their hair, take their clothes out to wear, bring them a cold drink on a hot day, prepare something for them etc.

5. Drinking and eating from one place:

Aisha radiallahu anha would drink from a cup. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would take this cup and search for the place where the lips of his beloved wife made contact. Upon finding the place where his wife drank from the cup, he would put his lips on the very same place so that his lips have touched the place where her lips touched. He would then drink the contents of the cup at the same time enjoying with his spouse. When there was meat to eat, Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha would take a bite. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would take the meat from her hand and again place his mouth the very same place where his wife ate from. This would add taste of love to his food.[iv]

Do things together with your wife. Do not just eat at the same time and on the same tablecloth, but eat from the same plate. Let alone the same plate, eat together from the same article of food. This will bond the hearts so close to one another. When everything your wife comes into contact with becomes more beloved to you than food itself, imagine the flame of love in your lives?

6. Kissing: –

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would kiss his wife regularly. Even when he salallahu alaihi wasallam would be fasting, he would kiss his wife.[v]

Compliment your spouse often with kisses. When exiting the house, make it habit you leave by coming into contact with your spouse. When returning home, along with saying salām to her, show that you have missed her dearly.

When she is working or busy in her household chores, surprise her with a kiss. You have to show your love. Love is the fuel of marriage; if you desire your marriage to progress, you have to express your love in every way you can.

Physical relations in a marriage are very important. The famous saying is, “actions speak louder than words.” Show your spouse you love her. Sharī῾ah promotes romance and physical relations between the husband and wife. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam categorically stated,

“Conjugal relations with your wife is a sadaqah.”[vi]

7. Lifting the morsel to her mouth

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said : If you spend an amount you will be rewarded for it, -even when you lift the morsel to your wife’s mouth.” [vii]

The husband and wife should make these gentle gestures to exhibit their love and appreciation. Feed your spouse with your own hands now and then. This will rekindle the flame of love in your marriage.

8. Assisting her in the housework:

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would clean and help at home. He would see to his needs himself rather than demanding his wife. He would clean and see to his clothing himself.

Without being asked, if the couple help each other in day to day activities, it will make one appreciate the other. Likewise, one should try his best not to demand his/her spouse to do things too much. Whatever one can do himself, he should do. We need to be considerate of the spouse. The wife works tirelessly all day. So if the husband was to be considerate and realise his wife works hard, this will touch the wife. Likewise, if the wife was to go out of her way to see to the needs of her husband being considerate, it will induce a great spark of love between the two.

9. Telling her stories

Discuss stories and events with your spouse. Engage in light hearted discussions with her-something to laugh and joke over. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam on many occasions would discuss stories, events and have light hearted discussions. The famous story narrated by Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha regarding Umm Zar’ is evident.

This is one angle which is neglected more so than often. It is all ‘business’ between the husband and wife. They do not get into light hearted conversations. Instead, the husband rings his friends and chuckles with them. The wife on the other hand giggles during the day with her friends. This should not be the case. Focus and divert all your amusement and entertainment at your spouse. If you want to laugh, then let it be that you are laughing with your wife.

Make it a point in your busy schedule daily where you sit with your wife and do nothing but have fun with her.

10. Sharing happy occasions with her:

Once when the Ethiopians were practicing target shooting in the masjid complex, the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam stood with his wife watching. Not only did the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam stand with his wife, he put his cloak around her. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam although he had other jobs to do, he stayed there standing with his wife. He only went when his wife wanted to go.[viii]

A husband should be one who shares happy occasions and experiences with his wife. When it is raining, cold or sunny, one should shelter his wife.

You should be willing to sacrifice your errands to spend time with your wife. When the spouse sees sacrifice for her sake, it will create immense love and respect in their heart.

11. Racing with his wife

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would exercise and play with his wife also. The famous incident of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam challenging his wife to race is well known.

When a couple can have such good times together, it only ignites the love even more.

12. Calling her by a beautiful name:

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would call his wife ‘Humairā’’ out of love. Linguistically it means the little reddish one, but the scholars state that in reality it refers to someone who is so fair that due to the sun they get a reddish tan. This was the reason why the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam called her Humairaa’.[ix]

Call your spouse nice sweet names. One has to show his partner love and affection in every little thing. One needs to feed love constantly to his spouse to keep the flame burning.

Once the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam stared into his wife’s eyes. He was gazing at the world within his wife’s eyes. He then said to Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha in praise of her beauty,

“How white are your eyes.”[x]

This is what is needed. The husband and wife should be constantly complementing and praising each other. The husband has to show his love and attraction to his wife. The wife needs to show her infatuation for her husband. When there is a reciprocal relationship, the marriage climbs heights.

13. Dress for your spouse

Sayyiduna Ibn Abbās radiallahu anhu said: “As my wife adorns herself for me, I adorn myself for her. I do not want to take all of my rights from her so that she will not take all of her rights from me because Allah, the Exalted, stated the following: “And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them.” (Qur῾ān 2 :228.)[xi]

This is another area where many spouses fail. The wife only dresses when it is a special occasion. The husband on the hand stays scruffy and does not take care to be neat and tidy. If the couple want their everyday to be a special occasion like their wedding day, they must dress to impress!

The wife should wear the clothing which pleases her husband. Likewise, the husband should wear what the wife likes. Every time the husband and wife glance at each other, the glance should arouse them and stir up more love for their spouse. This will ignite the love in the heart.

14. Utilising perfume:

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would have a container for perfume. He would use perfume constantly.[xii] One should make an effort to smell good for his wife all the time. Looking good, keeping clean, smelling nice compliments a relationship exceptionally. Make sure you hair is tidy, your clothes are neat and you smell pleasant. This will attract your spouse always and inject affection into the marriage.

15. Do not talk about her private matters:

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam described the one who discloses his wife’s affairs to others as amongst the worst of people.[xiii]

Whatever occurs between yourself and your spouse should remain between you two. How unmanly and shameful is it when a husband discusses his wife to his friends? The secrets and issues of the spouse must not be narrated at all to anyone. Do not talk about your wife to others. Your wife is for you. You are for your wife. Your fidelity and loyalty should always be to your spouse.

16. Loving & respecting their families

Another great factor to contribute to a healthy relationship is to love and cherish the family of your spouse. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was once asked whom he loved the most. He replied, “Aisha.” When the questioner rephrased his question and asked from amongst the men, he replied, “Her father.”

The Prophet could have easily said Abu Bakr. His answer displays such intelligence and ingenuity, that in one response he displayed his devotion to his wife and her family. He exhibited his fondness for his in-laws. Imagine how happy his wife Sayyidah Aisha would have become upon hearing this response?

Compliment your in laws in front of your wife. Compliment your wife to her family. Your wife will really appreciate this.

Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife’s mouth, opening the car’s door for her, etc.

Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala will always result in having more peace at home.

With regards to your second query about the China Islamic Association, the Darul Iftaa is not in a position to comment as we have no correspondence with the organisation in reference.

Mawlana Faraz Ibn Adam
DarulIftaa.net

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Happy Husband and Wife

Marriage

19th century Ottoman scholar Bediuzzaman writes:

Happy the husband who sees the wife’s firm religion and follows her, and himself becomes pious in order not to lose his companion of eternal life.
Happy the wife who sees her husband’s firmness in religion and becomes pious so as not to lose her eternal friend.
Alas for the man who becomes dissolute, which will lose him for ever that righteous woman.
Alas for the woman who does not follow her pious husband and loses her eternal blessed friend.
And a thousand woes on the unhappy husband and wife who imitate each other in sin and vice, helping one another to enter Hell-fire!

Jazakallah to ‘Seeker’ for leaving this quote as a comment on the post Characteristics of a Pious Husband.

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A Happy Formula

Marriage

Hadhrat Luqmaan Alayhis salam – who was unanimously Hakeem (wise) and a Nabi according to somewas employed as a labourer in an orchard.   One day, the owner of the orchard came and asked him to bring some cucumbers.  He peeled one and gave it Hadhrat Luqmaan who started eating it with relish.  The owner, witnessing Hadhrat Luqmaan eating the cucumber with such relish thought that it must be rather delicious.  He placed a slice of it into his mouth and on finding it was extremely bitter, spat it out and frowned.

“This cucumber is rather bitter,” he addressed Hadhrat Luqmaan, “but you were eating it as thought it was very delicious.”

Hadhrat Luqmaan said, “Yes, of course!  It is bitter.”

“Why didnt you say so?” asked the master.

He replied, “What can I say?  I thought to myself that the hand from which I ate sweet things thousands of times, if the same hand gives me something bitter just once, how can I show it on my face?”

This is such a principle that if both spouses remember it, there will never be an opportunity for contention and dispute.

The wife should remember that the husband has put up with all her frivolities thousands of times, what is there if he is hard with me just this once?  The husband on the othe hand should also ponder over the thousands of times his wife had served him diligently.

(At-Tableegh vol 7 page 128)

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Lovesickness

Marriage

By Shaikh Salmaan Fahd

By no means is love a sickness in and of itself. Indeed, it is the only known cure for many of the problems and ailments that we as human beings suffer from. However, love can turn into an illness if it becomes obsessive, if it goes beyond its proper bounds, or if the object of love is not worthy. When such a situation develops, love indeed becomes a sickness requiring a remedy.

It is Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa)’s order in the world that he sends down to it no affliction without sending down with it its cure. Love is no exception.

The treatment of this illness is as follows:

1. As with all diseases, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

This is why we must lower our gazes and resist taking a second glance at a member of the opposite sex who attracts us. Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) says: “Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their chastity. That will make for greater purity for them, and Allah is acquainted with all that they do. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their chastity…” (Surah al-Noor: 30-31)

We can see how Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) first issues the command to believing men, then repeats the command for believing women, thus emphasizing the importance of lowering our gazes. The fact that Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) addresses members of each sex individually shows just how important and relevant this matter is to people of both sexes. Indeed, these Verses are one of the few occasions where Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) addresses men and women separately in the Quraan.

The look is the beginning that can lead to progressively greater ills. This is why Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) mentions it first, and then follows it up with the command for us to guard our chastity.

A poet long ago observed:

A glance, a smile, a friendly hello,
Some chatting, a date, then off they go!

If some of us find it difficult to carry out this command, they should write these verses down on a sheet of paper and hang them on their wall or place them on the dashboard – whatever it takes to remind them.

2. Thinking about the consequences is often a sobering dose of medicine.

The ability to think about the far-reaching consequences of our actions is one of the distinctive qualities that set humanity apart from other animals. This is why a person just does not go ahead and do everything that tickles his fancy. He first has to think about what is behind it and what will come of it.

For instance, he might pause to think, before embarking upon a certain course of action, that if he does so, he might succumb to AIDS. He might reflect upon how that dreaded disease has already claimed tens of millions of lives, how some of those who were careful – who chose only one sexual partner who even had an AIDS test – nevertheless came down with the disease.

How many people like that do we hear about, some of whom come out and admit that the disease befell them as a punishment from Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa), and hoping that it might at least expiate for their sin?

The same can be said for all the other sexually transmitted diseases. The worst thing of all is to think that an indiscreet man can infect his pious, faithful, and chaste wife with one of these vile diseases.

Another consequence to think about is pregnancy. A man who had repented for his sins once admitted to me that he had intentionally chosen to involve himself with a woman who was sterile. Regardless, Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) wanted her to fall pregnant and she did.

We should not be heedless of the consequences of our actions. Does anyone want to be responsible for someone coming into this world with no idea who his father is; someone who starts out life already disadvantaged?

Maybe one of us will pay the price for his misdeed in this world. Maybe he will get away with it here, going through life unrepentant and unscathed, only to be humiliated for it before the eyes of all on the Day of Judgment.

Some of the evil consequences of this behavior are psychological in nature. A man, once enamored of women, gets to the point that he can never be satisfied. He eternally craves variety and no degree of beauty is enough. Because of this, he may find himself eternally forbidden the lawful pleasure to be found within marriage. His senses and his sentiments have all been dulled.

Some young men travel abroad and spend their time in the company of prostitutes and other women of ill repute, but if one of them were ever to hear that his wife back home so much as looked at another man indiscreetly, he would divorce her on the spot.

One man lamented: “I would forsake all the women of the world for the sake of one woman whom I knew would get worried if I came home at night a little bit late.” This is the sentiment of any man who possesses wisdom.

3. The communion of lawful love is the best cure of all.

All of the stories of love that we find in our literature – whether it be that of Jamîl and Buthaynah, Kuthayyir and ‘Azzah, Qays and Laylâ, or for that matter their English equivalent Romeo and Juliet – deal with the anguish of unrequited love.

Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) has placed in what is lawful all that we need so we can dispense with what He has made unlawful. It provides the most fulfilling, satisfying, and deepest expression of love.

The Prophet (SallAllaho alaihe wa sallam) said: “We see for those who are in love nothing better than marriage.” (Sunan Ibne Maajah, 1847 and Mustadrak Haakim, 2724 with a good chain of transmission)

Lawful matrimony is what brings healing to the heart and removes its disquiet. If it is not written for a certain man and women to come together in matrimony, each of them should have faith that there are many others out there with whom Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) can enrich them with a meaningful and loving relationship.

4. Resignation and a willingness to forsake what is wrong.

No matter how painful it may be to part, it is sometimes necessary. The Prophet (SallAllaho alaihe wa sallam) said: “Whoever maintains his chastity, does so with the grace of Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa). Whoever finds self-sufficiency does so with what Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) has enriched him. Whoever is patient draws his fortitude from Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa). And no one has been given a gift better or more bountiful than patience.” (Bukhari 1469 and Muslim 1053)

Whoever gives something up for Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa)’s sake should know that Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) will give him in its substitute something far better.

5. Channeling one’s energies and abilities into what is nobler, more precious, and sublime – the love of Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa)

We express this love by bringing benefit to His creatures, by our obedience to Him, by our Salaah (prayers), our Saum (fasts), our Zikr (remembrance of Him), our Du’aas (supplications), and our Tawaadhu’ (humility). We do so by keeping the company of righteous people and by aspiring to the noblest and most beneficial of goals.

We should channel our energies into what benefits us in our worldly lives and in our faith. Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa) says: “Seek Allah’s help with patience and perseverance. It is indeed difficult except upon those who are humble.” (Surah al-Baqarah: 45)

He says: “Whoever puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is Allah for him.” (Surah al-Talaaq: 3)

A heart that is full of concern for others will be a heart that is full of love – but not a slave to love. It is an empty heart that falls stricken for any visitor who graces its doorstep.

We should take full advantage of our lives and be as productive as possible. We need to develop our talents, our minds, and put our creativity into practice. Yes! Be enamored – but be enamored of truth and knowledge. Be fully in love – but be in love with righteousness.

Source: RightIslam

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Nikah

Marriage

The society that one lives in has a direct effect on one’s life. Hence every person desires for and strives to build a healthy society. Among the aspects that form the bedrock of a healthy society is the institution of Nikah. By means of Nikah one finds solace and comfort which enables one to fulfil one’s duties to Allah Ta’ala. It also provides a lawful avenue to fulfil a basic in-born need. A pure human race flourishes as a result of the bond of Nikah, while countless social evils are dispelled by it. Take away the institution of Nikah and in a short time the society will sink to such depths of moral degradation which are unimaginable.

The West has to a great extent abandoned the customary marriage and adopted in its place the “living together” concept. When the partners do not feel like “living together” anymore, they just say “good bye” and part company. The result of this is glaring for all the world to see. Abortion, thousands of illegitimate children, AIDS, teenage pregnancies and suicide are just a few of the many direct consequences of abandoning the bond of marriage.

Least Expense

Thus the importance of Nikah can never be over emphasised. In the light of what has been mentioned it is much easier to grasp the true implications of the words of Rasulullah who said: “Verily the Nikah which is blessed with the greatest amount of Barakah (blessings) is that Nikah wherein the least expense is incurred.” By stressing the aspect of incurring the least expenditure, Rasulullah paved the way for the Nikah to be easily affordable for the rich and poor alike. When this advice is not heeded, Nikah becomes a costly affair. It becomes a big worry and a huge burden. The very rich will afford it, the middle class will resort to loans (even on interest) in order to make it, while the poor will only dream about it. The matter does not end there. Those who cannot afford it and abstain are prone to becoming victims of the social evils mentioned above and thus every level of society is affected.

Wastage

However this Sunnah and Ibadah of Nikah has in many cases become just a Kuffaar style wedding. The greatest expense is incurred. Every effort is made to keep up with the trend. To start off with, thousands of rands are wasted on absolutely futile wedding cards (which, as time goes, become more fashionable and expensive in order to impress). The most impressionable and expensive venues are booked. Much more wealth, which is purely a gift and bounty from Allah Ta’ala, is squandered on hiring floral arrangements and other fancy accessories. The “stage” (for the wedding show) is then made up at considerable cost. The wastage list goes on, with many new shocking items being added on. Such weddings are actually setting the stage to destroy all Barakah from the Nikah. The Barakah is totally lost, while the great impression which one sets out to make is also seldom achieved. After having filled their bellies, people generally leave commenting on the wastage and discussing the flaws and defects.

Sophisticated Begging

While on the one hand thousands of rands are wasted on futile aspects, at the same time some novel ideas have been invented to extract “gifts” from others. Invitations are sent out (with or without the knowledge of the bride-to-be) towards a “bridal shower” which takes place a few days before the wedding. The unwritten rule is that the invited person must come with a gift for the bride. It is unthinkable to attend without bringing a gift along. This subtle way of extracting gifts tantamount to a sophisticated form of begging. People are being invited to “please come along,” and with it goes the unwritten rule, the object of the invitation – “and don’t forget the present!” This is in direct conflict with the Hadith wherein it is mentioned: “The wealth of a Muslim is not permissible except when he gives it whole-heartedly (without coercion or obligation).” Thus it is time to break away from these alien customs and practices which destroy the Barakah from the Nikah.

Foundation

The Nikah is the foundation of the building that has to be erected upon it – the building of a lifelong marriage. If this foundation is absolutely weakened and deprived of the Barakah from Allah Ta’ala, how much hope can one then have of the building remaining firmly erect on such a weak foundation?

Solution

The only solution then is to return to the Sunnah – by adopting the guidance of Rasulullah and the Sahaaba . Far from inviting the world, many of the Sahaaba were married while Rasulullah was present in Madinatul Munawwara without Rasulullah being aware of the Nikah. Neither did they deem it necessary that he should be informed, nor did Rasulullah take exception to this attitude. The Nikah in that era was an extremely simple affair. The least cost was incurred. The greatest amount of Barakah was attained. This is the example that we have to keep as an ideal in front of us. Then every attempt should be made to follow it as closely as possible.

Shackles VS Natural Freedom

May Allah Ta’ala grant us the intelligence and ability to release ourselves from the heavy and burdensome shackles of baseless customs. May He enable us to adopt the wonderful Sunnah so that we may earn His pleasure while at the same time enjoy the numerous benefits of the Sunnah, among which are its absolute ease, elegant simplicity and natural freedom.

Source: www.classicalislamgroup.com

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Halal Diet and Pregnancy

Pregnancy

We are what we eat. Today we complain our children are disobedient towards us, but why the surprise? If we feed our children haram (even while in the womb) then the thoughts that will be bred in their minds (later in life) will be haram. Understand well, halal foods breed halal thoughts and halal actions whilst haram food breeds haram thoughts and haram actions.

Shaykh Ashraf Ali Thanwi narrates, ‘If before birth of the child, parents were to reform themselves and adopt piety, then there is no reason why the child born too should not be pious. The actions of parents during pregnancy have a profound effect on the unborn child. Accordingly, the son of a saint was quite mischievous. Somebody queried the saint; ‘It is indeed strange; you are so pious yet your son so naughty?’ The saint replied, ‘ One evening I was invited to meals by a rich person (whose income was doubtful). After eating, my nafs became excited and I made love to my wife who became pregnant. This child is the effect of the doubtful food.’

Therefore, during pregnancy (especially) it is of the utmost importance to eat a varied halal diet brought from halal income. If in doubt regarding ingredients, leave it out.
Source: Ashrafs Blessings of Marriage published by Ashrafs Amanat

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Finding a Marriage Partner

Marriage

Q. What are Islamically permissible ways in which to meet women with intention for marriage, if you live in a society where your best opportunity to meet a muslim woman is at the workplace or in a secondary school?

A. Marriage is an institution which is filled with respect and dignity and so, everything that leads to marriage must be filled with the same. Dating, as we have seen brings about a great amount of sins and wrongdoings on the part of the boy and the girl. As such, a Muslim boy or girl must never be trapped into this web of satan.

In accordance to the guidelines given in the beautiful teachings of Islam, when one seeks a partner in marriage, he/she must consult with the parents or other close family members. The parents/guardian etc. will then enquire from others in the community and beyond about a good boy or girl for their son/daughter. When a certain match is found, the parents/guardian should enquire about the traits, habits and character of that person. If they are pleased, then they would introduce the boy to the girl. At this point the boy and girl may speak to each other within the presence of blood relatives and may then decide that they would marry each other. Even at this time, it is not permissible for both of them to go out alone, to be in seclusion or to maintain any sort of relationship which is seen from a husband and wife.

Besides the above, if a boy happens to see a girl which may interest him or vice versa, then they must consult with their parents and proceed thereafter in accordance to the guidelines given in the beautiful teachings of Islam. If the parent finds it difficult to find a suitable wife/husband for their son/daughter (through their contacts) then they may continue to enquire from friends, the Imam, persons in the community or even distant relatives.

And Allah knows best.

Mufti Waseem Khan
Darul Uloom Trinidad & Tobago

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How to Select a Good Spouse

Marriage, Video

How to select a good spouse – a short lecture by Mufti Ismail Menk giving advice of how to select an appropriate spouse and what to look for in a potential spouse.

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The Need for Simple Weddings

Marriage

All praise is due to Allah. We praise Him. We seek His assistance and forgiveness. We believe in Him and place our trust in Him.
We seek refuge in Allah from the mischief of our souls and our bad actions. He whom Allah guides no one can mislead, and he whom Allah misleads, no one can guide.

We bear testimony that there is no deity except Allah. He is alone and has no partner and we bear testimony that our leader and master Muhammad is His Servant and Messenger. O Allah, shower your everlasting peace and blessings on him and on his descendants and his companions.

Almighty Allah says in the Holy Qur’an:
“O Mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam) and from him He created his wife (Eve), and from them He created many men and women. Fear Allah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (kinship). Surely, Allah ever watches over you.” (4:1)
“O you who believe! Fear Allah as He should be feared. And die not except in the state of Islam (as Muslims).” (3:102)
“O you who believe! Keep your duty to Allah and fear him, and speak (always) the truth. He will direct you to do righteous good deeds and will forgive you your sins. And whosoever obeys Allah and His Messenger he has indeed achieved a great achievement.” (34:70-71)

The Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said:
“Marry such women as are affectionate, child producing for I wish to outnumber the nations through you.” (Abu Dawood & Nasai)
“Nikah is my Sunnah.” (Ibn Majah)
“Whosoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.” (Bukhari)

Friends! On this auspicious occasion of Nikah, I pray to Almighty Allah that He may instil Muhabbat (love and affection) between the married couple, that through this bond of marriage, pious and righteous children are born, and also that Muhabbat and Ulfat (loving bond) is created between the families of the married couple. In addition, I invoke unto Almighty Allah that He may find for all our young boys and girls pious and suitable partners (Ameen).

This Nikah is a noble Sunnat of the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. Simplicity would be the hallmark of every Nikah performed by the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. We are instructed in the Hadith that when a suitable partner is found for a girl, then haste should be made in performing the Nikah. A major reason for the marked increase in the number of unmarried boys and girls in present-day society stems mainly from neglecting the sound advice given in this Hadith. Nowadays the Nikah is delayed in spite of having found a suitable partner for ones son or daughter. For the sake of personal convenience, like going on a holiday or waiting for the arrival of some guest, or some other programme, we unnecessarily delay the marriage.

I am conscious that this moment is one of joy and happiness. I do not want to dampen it. But I must also digress a bit from the main topic of marriage and express the anguish of my heart at the suffering of fellow Muslims, while we continue to indulge in comforts and luxuries. As you know, the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and his Companions رضى الله تعالى عنهم did not avail of luxuries despite having the opportunity to do so; instead, they made rigorous Mujahadah (endeavour). By the Barakah (blessings) of their Mujahadah each Companion became a great warrior, who strove and persevered.

When we look inward into our own lives it reveals quite the opposite. We have become so attached to worldly comforts and luxuries that it has, indeed, become difficult for us to discharge our own necessities without relying on others. Over indulgence in ease and comforts is also a significant reason for our misfortune and downfall. If only we realized the true concept of Islamic brotherhood then to continue in extravagant celebrations would really hit the raw inner of our consciousness. Presently, throughout the world, hundreds and thousands of fellow Muslims are suffering at the hands of non Muslims. So many of them are held captives by the enemies of Allah, and the respect and dignity of so many others is being looted, and above all, our brothers and sisters are helpless with no one to confront the perpetrators of their misery. In this dire situation, our brothers and sisters are really in need of every sip of water, every piece of grain and every single penny. Oh friends, is this really a time to indulge in extravagant celebrations, merrymaking and rejoicing? This is surely against the trend of Islamic brotherhood, and I say, it is also against humanity! When you see the abundant favours of Allah so freely granted – especially when you sit to eat – then your eyes should be filled with tears. At the same time, reflect on the plight and suffering borne by Muslims in Bosnia, Somalia, Philippines, Burma and so many other places. Muslims whose situation is most distressing. Despite what prevails before our eyes, are we going to be like the ostrich with its head in the sand?

In this present era, the warning bells of danger to our Faith can be heard ringing aloud. Although the situation is better here (as compared to that in other countries) but we cannot be complacent. The tide of moral and religious degeneration is reigning down on us from all sides. We regularly hear incidents of how our progeny is being exposed to the ills prevalent in this society. We must, therefore, be aware of the dangers and maintain a vigilant eye. We should reflect on what is happening and take a firm grasp of the declining moral and religious situation in this society.

In spite of hearing the plight and misery of Muslims, our feelings seem to remain static, and we are largely unresponsive to their plight. We should try to alter this kind of outlook. Most importantly, we should try and generate a genuine feeling for our Muslim brothers and sisters. We should consider their suffering as our own. We should not behave in apathetic manner, unaware of what is happening to them. Let us conduct ourselves honourably, sharing their woes and grief wherever they may be in the world. Their suffering, displacement and slaughter should be felt by all of us.

I have deliberately shed light on this subject because, nowadays, our wedding functions have become such that vast sums of money are spent and this suggests a kind of indifference to the suffering of Muslim at large. I, for one, do not condone this kind of attitude. On occasions like this, I only wish that greater accountability would be taken. As I have already explained, there are so many Muslims throughout the world in need, so many oppressed, so many destitute and so many in need of every grain, yet our inner eyes remain closed. As Hazrat Shaikhul Hadith Maulana Muhammad Zakaria Saheb Rahmatullahi alai once wrote to his daughter, saying, “Oh daughter! When we depart from this world, our eyes will really open. Only then will we realize!”

Thus, we will only truly realize the extent of our self-deception once we have left this transitory world. How we deceived our own selves. Only then will we truly appreciate the significance of assisting the needy and helpless Muslims. If we are not able to do anything else, then, at least we should develop a sincere concern for our fellow Muslims and pray for them. Even this will not be overlooked by Almighty Allah, who will, Inshallah, accord us with much blessing and reward.

I now return to the subject of my initial discussion, that Nikah is a noble Sunnat of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. This sublime act is such that it cannot accommodate any other custom; simplicity, as I explained at the outset, is its hallmark. As such, there is no need for a large assembly or congregation for its commemoration.

I will now briefly mention the nature of simplicity observed in weddings conducted at the time of the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. Once the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم noticed a stain of Itr (perfume) on the garment of one of his Companion, Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah . Although use of Itr was Sunnat, it would generally be applied only for special occasions like a wedding, or on significant days like Friday and Eid. Seeing the blot, the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم enquired of Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah : “Have you married?” He replied, “Yes.” The Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم further asked, “Whom did you marry, a virgin or a widow?” He replied, “A widow.” The Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, “Why did you not choose a virgin, that you might play with her and she might play with you? I see you as a young man.” Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah replied most gracefully, saying: “O Prophet , my father was martyred in the battle of Uhad. He left behind nine small sisters. Had I married a virgin then she would have become the tenth. That is why I have married a widow, so that with her age and experience she could provide upbringing and training for my sisters.”

From this incident we can deduce that despite the presence of the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم in Madina Munawwarah, there was no question of delaying the Nikah to the extent of even informing let alone inviting him.

Thus, in the time of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, whenever a suitable partner was found for a boy or girl, the Nikah would be conducted without delay. It would not be treated as something so significant as to require the attention or approval of the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. For this reason Hazrat Shaikh Rahmatullahi alai used to say, “I can’t understand all these formalities for Nikah, because Nikah is an Ibadat (act of worship). When someone intends to perform two Rakats of Salat then must he print posters and send everyone cards asking them to assemble in the Jame Masjid before performing the two Rakats?” What a beautiful explanation Hazrat Shaikh provided. Since Nikah is also an Ibadat, then what is the need to print cards and gather a large congregation?

Hazrat himself practised what he preached. He married two of his daughters with Hazrat Jee Maulana Yusuf Saheb and Hazrat Jee Maulana Inamul Hasan Saheb respectively. The occasion of their marriage coincided with the annual graduation ceremony at Mazahirul Uloom, Saharanpur. Both prospective son-in-laws were to graduate. Hazrat, prior to leaving for the graduation ceremony, went home and called out that I propose to wed Maulana Yusuf with such a daughter and Maulana Inamul Hasan with such a daughter, naming each daughter. This was the only type of announcement made in advance of the wedding.

Hazrat Maulana Ihtishamul Haq Saheb, who happened to be the maternal uncle of the daughters and also the brother-in-law of Hazrat Shaikh, as well as being a member of the household, became upset at not being consulted about the marriage. He protested saying that he was the maternal uncle of the girls, and as such, he should at least have been consulted prior to their Nikah. However, Hazrat’s stance remained the same. As Nikah is an Ibadat what is the need to notify everyone. The participants of the marriage were informed and that was sufficient.

On the contrary, we have created so many unnecessary formalities that if perchance the wedding feast is not held on the day of the wedding, we make full amends by holding a large Walimah (a meal after consummating the marriage) the following day.

The practise of Walimah was also celebrated by the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم but not in the same manner in which we are accustomed to. When Khaiber was conquered, among the prisoners of war included Hazrat Safiyyah , the daughter of a Jewish chief. Hazrat Dihya Qalbi requested the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم for a maid. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, “Go and take any slave girl.” He took Hazrat Safiyya . At this, the other Sahabah approached the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and said: “O, Prophet of Allah! Banu Nazir and Banu Quraizah (the Jewish tribes of Madinah) will feel offended to see the daughter of a Jewish chief working as a maid. We therefore suggest that she is only suitable for you.” The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم called Dihya and said, “Take any seven slave girls but leave her (i.e. Safiyya).” The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم then freed her from slavery and married her. In the tradition reported in Sahih Al-Bukhari, we are further told that they had left Khaiber and on the way, Umme Sulaim dressed her for marriage and at night she sent her as a bride. The following day Walimah feast was arranged with whatever was available.

The point I really want to elicit from this story is the manner in which the Walimah was organized. It was such a simple affair. The Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم asked his companions to bring their own food. He spread out an eating mat and some brought dates and others cooking butter. This was the manner in which the Walimah of Allah’s Messenger was celebrated.

Friends! The teachings of our religion, as exemplified by the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, impress upon us simplicity. We need to change our approach and attitude to life and adopt these simple and noble practises.

I again reiterate that there is need for us to change our present outlook. We should replace our indifference and apathy to the suffering borne by fellow Muslims and replace it with a genuine feeling of love and consideration. Only then will we merit the pity of Allah. If we are sincere Muslims then let us mirror the loss sustained by our brothers and sisters. Such should be our grief that it shows on our faces, cause feelings of pain and revulsion in our hearts and makes sour the food and drink we consume. This should be a natural reaction to hearing any kind of tragedy befalling Muslims. Alas, there is a great need to re-establish true Islamic brotherhood in this day and age.

In the end, I pray to Almighty Allah that He grants us all the Tawfiq (strength and ability) to appreciate the delicate age we live in and that He fully rectifies us in all respects (Ameen).

And our last call is that all praise be to the Lord of the worlds and peace and blessings be upon the Master of the Messengers, his descendants and his companions.
Selected Discourses by Hadhrat Shaikhul Hadith Maulana Yusuf Motala Sahib
Inter-Islam

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