100 Pre Marital Questions
Premarital Questions
These pre marital questions are to help couples get to know each other to help determine suitability and compatibility for marriage. Pre marital questions provide clarity and insight into the person your are considering to marry and will insha’Allah increase your confidence and trust in making the right choice.
These pre marital questions are not to be used as a list to work down in entirety, but used selectively should be a very useful tool in your quest for seeking a suitable marriage companion.
100 Pre marital questions:
MARRIAGE
- What is your concept of marriage?
- Have you been married before?
- Are you married now?
- What are you expectations of marriage?
- What are your goals in life? (long and short term)
- Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.
- Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.
- Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?
RELIGION - What is the role of religion in your life now?
- Are you a spiritual person?
- What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?
- What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?
- What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslims community in your area?
- Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities?
- What can you offer your zawj (spouse), spiritually?
- What is the role of the husband?
- What is the role of the wife?
- Do you want to practice polygamy?
FAMILY & IN LAWS - What is your relationship with your family?
- What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?
- What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?
- Is there anyone in your family living with you now?
- Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future?
- If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done?
FRIENDS - Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
- How did you get to know them?
- Why are they your friends?
- What do you like most about them?
- What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
- Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
- What is the level of your relationship with them now?
- What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
- What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
PERSONAL HABITS - What are the things that you do in your free time?
- Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?
- What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house?
- What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do not understand? (with friends or family)
- Do you travel?
- How do you spend your vacations?
- How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?
- Do you read?
- What do you read?
- After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?
- After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?
- How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?
- How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you?
- Do you like to write your feelings?
CONFLICT RESOLUTION & COMMUNICATION - If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?
- If someone has wronged you, how do you want (s)he to apologize to you?
- How much time passes before you can forgive someone?
- How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?
- Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?
- Do your friends use foul language?
- Does your family use foul language?
- How do you express anger?
- How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
- What do you do when you are angry?
- When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in marriage?
- When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise, how should the conflict get resolved?
HEALTH & WELLBEING - Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.
- What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?
- Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?
- Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?
- Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?
- What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?
- How do you support your own health and nutrition?
FINANCES - What is you definition of wealth?
- How do you spend money?
- How do you save money?
- How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?
- Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate them?
- Do you use credit cards?
- Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?
- What are you expecting from your spouse financially?
- What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?
- Do you support the idea of a working wife?
- If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?
- Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?
- Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?
- Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids?
CHILDREN - Do you want to have children? If not, how come?
- To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
- Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, when?
- Do you believe in abortion?
- Do you have children now?
- What is your relationship with your children now?
- What is your relationship with their other parent?
- What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your children and their parent?
- What is the best method(s) of raising children?
- What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?
- How were you raised?
- How were you disciplined?
- Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?
- Do you believe in public school for your children?
- Do you believe in Islamic school for your children?
- Do you believe in home schooling for your children?
- What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates/friends?
- Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country?
- What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all their grandparents?
RELATIVES - If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of different race or culture, what type of relationship do you want to have with them?
8:34 am
This is a very comprehensive and useful checklist that I am going to use in the future when the need arises, inshaAllah.
4:23 pm
Thank you for writing all these questions! It will become VERY handy when I look forward for marriage!!!
2:19 pm
First I would like to thank you for this useful blog.
Im an Arab woman , 26 years old. there is this guy who is coming to see my family and myself for marriage. To be honest, I dont know if I should accept. I m very conservative Arab, however, I hve been working with Americans in jordan for almost 4 years now.That have corrupted my way of thinking and how I see my life.. This makes me falling apart, I dont know what to do.. should i be with a Arab guy or follow my ambition of marrying someone from a different race..I know hwo this sounds, but Im really lost…. Please keep me in duaas
9:12 am
I think you should marry an arab man because you will understand each other better and if you have an argument (inshallah you wont) then you will have both your families back. Secondly when you have kids there will be no problem of racial differences and cultural differences so you wont have to worry about your kids losing their culture. Thirdly i think if you choose an arab man you will have the blessings of your parent and i know even if you marry someone from different culture they will bless you and make dua for you but when you obey them and i mean you marry a man of your choice but they were the ones to introduce you two then the happinese you get to see in their face mashallah its great but at the end its your choice and all i can do is make dua to allah (swt) to guide you in the right path and lead you to jannah with your spouse. Ameen
3:06 pm
There is a lot of positive to both. Marrying within your own culture helps lesson stress on yourselves as well as future children. Marrying outside allows yourselves to learn other cultures and ideas. Both are islamically correct to do. Follow your heart as well as determine the compatibility of your characters to know if it is right or not for you! Best regards.
6:26 pm
Marry who u heart feels has good character and deen
2:54 pm
in shaa Allāh do istikhara
10:46 pm
I like how these replies are years appart. OP probably got married years ago.
1:51 pm
MARRIAGE
1. What is your concept of marriage?
2. Have you been married before?
3. Are you married now?
4. What are your expectations of marriage?
5. Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?
6. What are your goals in life? (long and short term)
7. Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.
8. Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.
RELIGION
9. What is the role of religion in your life now?
10. Are you a spiritual person?
11. What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?
12. What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?
13. What is your relationship between you and the Muslim community in your area?
14. Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities?
15. What can you offer your spouse spiritually?
16. What is the role of the husband?
17. What is the role of the wife?
18. Do you want to practice polygamy?
FAMILY
19. What is your relationship with your family?
20. What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?
21. What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?
22. Is there anyone in your family living with you now?
23. Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future?
24. If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done?
FRIENDS
25. Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
26. How did you get to know them?
27. Why are they your friends?
28. What do you like most about them?
29. What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
30. Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
31. What is the level of your relationship with them now?
32. What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
33. What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
SELF
34. What are the things that you do in your free time?
35. Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?
36. What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house?
37. What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do not understand? (with friends or family)
38. Do you travel?
39. How do you spend your vacations?
40. How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?
41. Do you read?
42. What do you read?
43. After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?
44. After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?
45. How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?
46. How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favour for you?
47. Do you like to write your feelings?
48. If you wronged someone, how do you apologize?
49. If someone has wronged you, how do you want she/he to apologize to you?
50. How much time passes before you can forgive someone?
51. How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?
52. Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?
53. Do your friends use foul language?
54. Does your family use foul language?
55. How do you express anger?
56. How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
57. What do you do when you are angry?
58. When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in marriage?
59. When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise, how should the
conflict get resolved?
60. Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.
61. What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?
62. Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?
HEALTH
63. Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?
64. Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?
65. What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?
66. How do you support your own health and nutrition?
MONEY
67. What is you definition of wealth?
68. How do you spend money?
69. How do you save money?
70. How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?
71. Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate them?
72. Do you use credit cards?
73. Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?
74. What are you expecting from your spouse financially?
75. What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?
76. Do you support the idea of a working wife?
77. If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?
78. Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?
79. Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?
80. Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids?
CHILDREN
81. Do you want to have children? If not, why?
82. To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
83. Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, when?
84. Do you believe in abortion?
85. Do you have children now?
86. What is your relationship with your children now?
87. What is your relationship with their other parent?
88. What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your children and their parent?
89. What is the best method(s) of raising children?
90. What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?
91. How were you raised?
92. How were you disciplined?
93. Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?
94. Do you believe in public school for your children?
95. Do you believe in Islamic school for your children?
96. Do you believe in home schooling for your children?
97. What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates/friends?
98. Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country?
99. What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all their grandparents?
RELATIVES
100. If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of different race or culture, what type of relationship do you want to have with them?
11:00 pm
Wow…this is an intense list! Personally, if someone asked me all of these questions, I’d start getting a little worried. Especially if I’m tied up and gaged with a spotlight shining on me causing me to sweat bullets and dogs. However, I can see why all of these questions are necessary. Insha Allah, maybe I may be able to use them one day…and hey, maybe the spotlight thing would hurt either. 🙂
6:10 am
This is a extremely beneficial list of questions that can be used over time when getting to know someone. I am divorced, and previously married in haste just because I wanted to be married but she was just interested in using me. I’m inshallah searching now to re-marry and will use this list to guide me with the guidance ofcourse from Allah (swt). Thank you.
12:11 pm
life is short and beautiful then you must enjoy it , ok my friends 😉
3:31 pm
Excellent list of questions, and for that, Jazaak Allahu khair. I’d been wracking my brain until now…
5:24 am
What do you mean a spiritual person? Sorry, couldn’t get that. And how should it anwered? What answer is considered to be the best. I mean if you say yes, doen’t that mean that you are over sure about yourself.
3:02 pm
It means do you have a deep connection to your belief, or do you just practice based on learned beliefs.
5:26 am
Djazak Allahu khair. For questions.
11:37 am
Thank you so much for this blog,has really helped me figure out a lot of things about my fiance,now I know what I’m getting into,Alhamdulillah
2:01 pm
I am 16 years old and what to get married and wear the niqab. I approached my father about the niqab and it kind of did not work but I really want to and don’t know how to approach him a second time. Do I really need his permission to put on the niqab? How do I approach my dad about marriage? Even if its just to let him know that I what to get married so he knows. Please respond!
3:23 pm
asslam alaykum wa rahmatullah. if you are from the west, 16 yeras is a little young so your father probably wont consider it yet, but in the east its normal practice and people mature much quicker over there. fisrtly you have to show your father that your are mature enough firstly, if for instance you are immature for your age, then he will not listen. so you have be mature for your father to take you seriously. if your mature and are ready, then you shouldnt have any problems approching him, as you are already mature and are adult. if your not close to your father, maybe get someone else to speak to him first. my advice dont rush into marriage, especially in the west, people go through phases and today they want a particular man, and two years down the line, their perspective on life changes. please do istakhara, a pray allah makes it easy. and regarding nikaab, only put it on if you are ready, firsty the behavior of muslim is the key thing, i have seen people in niqaab and some of them are not behaving in the right way, talking harshly to their children etc, its doesnt give the right image of islam.
3:56 am
It’s will be nice if you explain to your dad the reason why you want to wear the niqab
12:50 am
You’re 16. Chill. Relax. You’ve seen 16 years of your life. You’ve got a world ahead of you inshallah. Don’t worry about marriage now. Just focus on your education, pursue some hobbies, make friends. Trust me that’s far too much of an early decision.
1:54 pm
Get married it’s sunnah.
7:05 am
Very important questions. Also #32 need to be answered honestly & clearly for Marriage stability .
5:42 pm
These are the very good questions, you have covered all type questions in it. I’m an Asian Muslim girl. I belongs to a religious family.
Now a days I’m am in marriage stage. My parents are finding a good guy for me.now a days they are considering on a proposal about which they are asking about my will, but i want to get know that person first by asking these questions,
But I’m feeling very reluctant to tell my this wish to my parents. I don’t know how would they react? May be yes or not…
C
Because it’s not our practice in our family even in my culture.
If my family would agree then how would boy’s family would react?
Tell me the ways, what should i do?
How should i ask this to my parents??
6:39 pm
If your family are a religious family then they have to let you decide who you want to marry and let you get to know the person. Tell them that’s the Islamic way. You can’t marry someone you don’t know that’s ridiculous, and if they force you that is haram. They need to know that. It’s good they’re asking you so don’t be afraid to tell them I’m sure they’ll listen to you. Just make them understand that Islam permits you to get to know the other person. And if the boys family refuse, refuse them first because you dont want to be married into a backward thinking family like that…and a boy like that. You’re too smart.