Quality Time with Dad

This article presents the current relationship between a father and a child in this fast paced and time constraint society and provides many practical advises on how to improve this relationship to benefit the whole family.

It has been estimated that working fathers spend about 3 minutes a day with their children.

Fathers who abandon their families, fathers who rarely see their children because of divorce, and fathers who are busy and have very little or nothing to do with the raising of their children are common.

Dad gets up early, takes the long drive to work, gets off late, takes the long drive home, and gets home very tired. He just wants to have dinner, relax a little, and go to bed so that he can repeat the same routine the next day. Every now and then, he tells himself that he will spend more time with his children tomorrow.

But Muslims aren’t like that, you say.
Perhaps.
How much time do you spend with your children in the day? Not just in the same house, but together — really together.

A popular American song by Harry Chapin tells the sad story of a boy who always tries to spend time with his father, but always finds him too busy. When the boy grows up and the father gets older, the father always wants to spend time with his son, but his son always has other things to do.

Quality time spent between a father and his children is essential for both the parent and the children. The children need to know that their father loves and cares for them, and the father needs to be careful that he doesn’t lose his relationship with his children by neglect.

Tips to Improve Father-Child Relationship
There are several ways a father can spend quality time with his children and develop a relationship with them. Even if he is extremely busy, he can probably free up enough time to do some of these things.

Show your children in simple ways that you love them. Some fathers try to appeal to their children by showering them with gifts rather than giving of themselves. This may cause more harm than good. The simple example of Prophet Muhammad is much better, may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him. When his daughter Fatima (May Allah be pleased with her) would come to him, the Prophet used to stand up, kiss her, take her hand, and give her his seat. Later in life, this personal type of affection will be much more memorable to children than receiving a gift that anyone could have given them.

Tell or read your
children stories on some nights before bed.
There are lots of excellent Islamic stories and books available that you can use, or you can make up your own. At the same time, you will be helping your children develop Islamic character.  A twist on this idea is to ask your children to make up stories to tell you.

Play with your children sometimes.
You could play ball, color pictures, build toy houses from blocks, or do whatever they like.

Let your children help you with simple tasks.
Allow them to help you carry in the groceries, make dinner, or mow the yard. Children often get great joy from doing things that adults consider work.

Take the family to for a picnic.
Spend time with your children playing Frisbee, passing a ball, or pushing them in the swings. Your children will cherish this special time together as a family.

Help your children with their homework.
Show them that you are truly interested in their education and life by asking them what they did in school and looking at their books, projects, and assignments with them.

Have at least two meals a week as a family.

Use driving time with your children.
Don’t just turn on the news and forget your children when they are in the car with you. Talk or joke with them, or sing Islamic songs together.

Give your small children a bath sometimes.
Usually, mothers bathe the children, but bath time is an excellent opportunity for fathers to be with their kids. Let them splash around and play a little more than mom does.

Teach your children
to make wudu and pray with you.
If at home, praying together as a family Jamat is better than praying alone. Children love to call azan. Make the youngest one the salat manager at home, taking care of prayer rugs, timing, and inviting everyone to salat.

Take your
children to the masjid with you.
This is an excellent way for you to build a relationship with them as both a father and a Muslim.

Be available for your children, and let them know that you are there for anything they want to discuss.
If you are not available to talk to your children, somebody else probably will be, and it may be the wrong kind of person. A good way of getting to know your children better as individuals is to take them out one at a time for eating, conversation, or some other event.

Practice talking with your child, not at him.
Since the father often takes the main responsibility for disciplining the children, it is very easy for fathers to merely become order-givers rather than parents and companions of their children. Spend some time listening, rather than talking.

We only have one chance to be with our kids before they grow up. If we want them to love us and respect us when we are old, we have to build those relationships while they are young.

Fathers usually don’t have the time to devote to their children that mothers do. But if we make the little time we have with our children quality time, we still might be able to build enduring relationships with them before it’s too late.

By Ibrahim Bowers

Manners for Young Children

1. Teach children to use the right hand for eating, drinking, giving and taking. To eat and drink while sitting, and to stay, ‘Bismillah’ before eating and, ‘Alhamdulillah’ after finishing.

2. Teach children hygienic etiquette, to clip fingernails and toe nails, and to wash hands before and after eating.

3. Teach them how to clean themselves after using the toilet and how to keep urine off their clothes.

4. Correct their mistakes kindly and privately without scolding them.

5. Instruct them to listen to the Adhaan quietely and repeat the words of Adhaan after the Muadhin, then to ask Allah to exalt the mention of the Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] and supplicate the following,

‘O Allah, the Rabb (Lord) of this complete invitation, and the ready prayer, grant Muhammad the means and the virtue, and raise him to a praised rank which You have promised him.’

6. Assign each of them a separate bed, if possible, otherwise a separate cover. It is most preferable to have a room for girls and another for boys.

7. Instruct them to remove harmful objects off the road and not to throw litter on it.

8. Warn against bad company and against loitering.

9. Greet children with Assalaamu alaykum at home, in school, and in public.

10. Instruct children to be kind to neighbours and to be helpful to them, and avoid bothering or disturbing them.

11. Instruct them to be courteous to guests and to treat them with generosity.

The rule of Music and Singing

It is the duty of the educators to warn children against listening to music and singing. Allah states, ‘And of men who take idle talk to lead men away from the path of Allah without knowledge, and make fun of it. For such there will be humiliating punishment.’ (31:6)

Most scholars are agreed that idle talk is nothing but singing. Ibn Mas’ood [radhiallaahu anhu] said the same. Allah also addressed Satan saying, ‘And excite whoever you can with your sound.’ (17:64)

The Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘There will be from my Ummah those who will deem as lawful; fonircation, silk (for Muslim males), liquor and music.’

The great scholar Mujahid and others said, ‘The sound of Satan is music and singing.’

Singing of Today

Most, if not all, of the singing today talks about love, voluptuous desires, kissing and details of a woman’s body and other sexual connotations, things that excite the youth and incite them to establish illicit relations.

The best way to combat the habit of listening to music is reading the Qur’aan and the rememberance of Allah, and reading the Seerah or the biography of the Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam].

Obedience to Parents

If you want to attain success in both worlds, then you should apply the following advice:

1. Speak politely to your parents and humble yourself before them and be kind to them, and never scold them nor express a word of disgust to them.

2. Obey your parents as long as no disobedience to Allah is involved.

3. Never frown at them, nor give them an angry look.

4. Honour them and guard their reputation and their property. Never take anything from them without permission.

5. Do what pleases them, and help them out even without their asking for your help.

6. Consult them in your own affairs, and apologise to them if you fail to do so.

7. Respond to them quickly and with a smile and when they call you.

8. Treat with courtesy your parents’ friends and relatives during their life and life after their death.

9. Never argue with them, nor blame them and if they err, show them politely their error.

10. Never speak to them with loud voice, and listen politely to them.

11. Help around the house, and offer help to your father at his work.

12. Do not travel without their permission, and if you do, keep in touch with them.

13. Never enter their bedroom before knocking and receiving permission to enter.

14. Never offend them by any bad habit that you may have.

15. Never start eating before they do.

16. Never give your wife or children priority over them. Seek their pleasure, for doing so secures the pleasure of Allah.

17. Do not sit on a place higher than theirs.

18. If you maintain them, never be niggardly towards them. The way you treat them, your children will treat you.

19. The most deserving of your kindness is your mother, then your father, and know that Jannah lies under the feet of mothers.

20. Never be disobedient to your parents, for this is the case of misery in both worlds.

21. Ask your parents to supplicate in your favour, because Allah responds to their Du’aa for you or against you.

22. Supplicate frequently for them, and ask Allah’s forgiveness for them.

23. Never cause anyone to curse them. The Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] explained this by saying, ‘When a man curses another, the other would curse the man’s father. So beware of this horrible sin.’

24. Remember whatever good deeds you do or accomplish, your parents will benefit from it after their death. And remember too that the Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘You and your property belong to your father’.

Guidelines for Raising Children
Abdul Rahman Abdullah Manderolla

[Source: Madrasa In’aamiyyah]

Naming Children

Parents are responsible to give their children the best names possible.

When naming our children we should ensure a beautiful meaning rather than an exotic sounding name void of meaning.Some parents ignorantly choose names that have a bad meaning just because it sounds good. The child grows up being called a bad name.

It is wise to choose a name that will be pronounced with ease by the community the child will grow up in. This will avoid distortions or changes in meaning due to being mispronounced.

Mufti Ismail Menk

Support Your Child’s Religious Development

One of the saddest situations is when parents are not supportive of their children’s choice to become more serious about their religion citing that they are too young or any other excuse. Some go to the extent of threatening their children if they will try to increase in spirituality.

This happens to spouses as well.

Rather than discourage them, we should be very happy when they incline towards the Almighty in a bigger way than ourselves.  Perhaps our children and family members could be a means of our entry into Paradise by our mere support of their achievements.  If we block them from getting closer to the Almighty, we may suffer severe consequences at some stage unless we repent.

May the Almighty strengthen us to be an asset to our family members by assisting them get closer to the Almighty.

Mufti Ismail Menk

Nurturing Children

There is great need to devote special attention to the nurturing of children. How will the nurturing of children take place? By establishing friendship! Establish friendship with one’s children. You are in search of friends? What need is there for this! If Allah ta`ala has granted you four sons, realise that your sons are your friends. Establish friendship with your children. Harshness and severity will not work. Keep your relationship with the wife a pleasant and wholesome one. Remember that the better the relationship between husband and wife the better the effect upon the children, the loftier the results with reference to the nurturing of one’s children. If one has the experience, by analysing children, one will be able to determine the relationship between husband and wife.

If one has opportunity to spends time with one’s family occupied in permissible activities one should do so. Such permissible activities will be the precursors, the means to Ibaadah, to worship. Such permissible activities become a fortress against forbidden acts, against the disobedience to Allah Ta`ala. Occasionally go on an outing with one’s family. Go to some appropriate location together while at other times be together at home. On a weekend get involved in cooking and preparing, pack a picnic basket and go out. My paternal grandfather, Allah grant him Maghfirat, used to take me at a very early age to the Majaalis of the Mashaaikh. This was during the period of British rule. In fact I was so young that I used to be in his lap in the Majaalis of the Mashaaikh. Shukr, gratitude is due to Alaah Ta`ala that those Majaalis are imprinted on the mind . The hearts of children are like blank sheets of white paper. Whatever is written thereon will indelibly remain imprinted thereon.

My Hadhrat (rahmatullahi alai) used to say, “Consider sleeping children to be awake. If one wants to discuss something, go elsewhere and do so. Do not do so in the presence of sleeping children. Consider sleeping children to be awake. It should not be that some statement or action of yours becomes imprinted on that white paper.

My beloved brothers! These are a few offerings by this helpless traveller. The gist of the matter, the essence of advice is that one should be fully involved in the nurturing and upbringing of one’s children. Then and then only will one procure peace and serenity in the true sense of the word. Otherwise, if these very children become a means of one being tested, if they become the currency of tribulation your lives will become wretched. We beseech Allah Ta`ala to grant us correct understanding and insight, to grant us Taufeeq, the ability and ease to enact the correct upbringing and nurturing of our children.

Source: Right Islam

Halal Diet and Pregnancy

We are what we eat. Today we complain our children are disobedient towards us, but why the surprise? If we feed our children haram (even while in the womb) then the thoughts that will be bred in their minds (later in life) will be haram. Understand well, halal foods breed halal thoughts and halal actions whilst haram food breeds haram thoughts and haram actions.

Shaykh Ashraf Ali Thanwi narrates, ‘If before birth of the child, parents were to reform themselves and adopt piety, then there is no reason why the child born too should not be pious. The actions of parents during pregnancy have a profound effect on the unborn child. Accordingly, the son of a saint was quite mischievous. Somebody queried the saint; ‘It is indeed strange; you are so pious yet your son so naughty?’ The saint replied, ‘ One evening I was invited to meals by a rich person (whose income was doubtful). After eating, my nafs became excited and I made love to my wife who became pregnant. This child is the effect of the doubtful food.’

Therefore, during pregnancy (especially) it is of the utmost importance to eat a varied halal diet brought from halal income. If in doubt regarding ingredients, leave it out.
Source: Ashrafs Blessings of Marriage published by Ashrafs Amanat

Virtues of Pregnancy

THIS ARTICLE HAS BEEN REMOVED BECAUSE MOST OF THE NARRATIONS (IF NOT ALL) WERE FABRICATED WITHIN IT.

The Virtues of Pregnancy

by Moulana Moosa ibn Ahmad Olgar, extract: Upbringing of Children

After some time has elapsed, the couple desire that Allah Taa’la bless them with a child and thus through marital consummation Allah Taa’la grants their wish. The first stage that follows is that of pregnancy. A person should not be ashamed of being pregnant or treat it as a big burden, as there are many beautiful virtues and rewards for being pregnant.

Virtues for being Pregnant

Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “The woman that dies in her virginity or during her pregnancy or at the time of birth or thereafter (in nifaas) will attain the rank of a martyr.”

It is mentioned in another Hadith that Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Does it not please you (O Women!) that when you conceive from your husbands while he is pleased with you then that woman will receive such reward equal to that of a fasting person in the path of Allah and spending the night in ibaadat. When her labour pains commence the inhabitants of the earth and the sky are unaware of the stores of comfort that are prepared for her. When she delivers and breast feeds her child then she will be granted a reward for every gulp of milk, and if she had to remain awake during the night for the sake of her child, she will receive the reward of emancipating seventy slaves in the path of Allah. O Salaamat! Do you know who these women are? They are pious, upright, delicately natured but yet are obedient to their husbands and not ungrateful to them.”

Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “A woman from her pregnancy till the time of weaning her child is like one protecting the boundaries of the Islamic state. If she passes away during this period she attains the reward of martyrdom.”

In another Hadith it is mentioned that, “The woman who dies of labour pains is regarded as a martyr (shaheedah).”

A woman should therefore gladly bear these difficulties patiently and calmly as she will be highly rewarded.

Hazrat Mail bin Yasaar (radiyallahu anhu) narrates that Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Marry such women who are loving and produce children (in abundance) because (on the day of Qiyaamah) I will vie with other Ummats and be proud of your numbers.”

In another Hadith Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Even the miscarried foetus will drag its mother towards Jannat if she exercised patience with the hope of acquiring reward.”

Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “When the woman breast feeds then on every gulp of milk the child receives, the reward is as though she has granted life to a being and when she weans her child, then the angels pat her on her back saying: CONGRATULATIONS! all your past sins have been forgiven, now start all over again.”

[By sins is intended the minor sins, this is also a great reward.]

Source: Beautiful Islam

The Blessing of being Pregnant

Once a woman has confirmed her pregnancy, she should express her gratitude before Allah Ta’ala as this is indeed a great bounty of Allah Ta’ala. This is such a boon that many people beseech Allah Ta’ala throughout their lives for pious children but Allah Ta’ala has destined otherwise. In fact one of the greatest Nabîes of Allah Ta’ala, Prophet Ibrahim (Alayhis salaam) used to supplicate to Allah Ta’ala most profoundly and frequently. Even Hadrat Zakariyya (Alayhis salaam) used to supplicate for children most passionately and fervently during the latter part of his life.

Hence, a Muslim woman is required to express her gratitude unto Allah Ta’ala for this great bounty. Gratitude may be expressed in the following ways:

1. Recite the following Du’aa very frequently:

Allahummâ Lakal Hamdû Wa Lakash-Shukru
Translation: O Allah! All praises are due to You alone and I express my gratitude unto You alone (for granting me the honour of motherhood).

2. Allocate a fixed time for two Rak‘aat of Nafl Salaat. Whilst in Sajdah, make Du‘aa abundantly. Recite the following Du’aa as well:

Rabbi Hab Liy Min-Ladunka Zurriyatan-Tayyibah Innaka Sam‘iud-Du’aa
Translation: O my Lord! Bless me from your side with pure children. Verily You are all-hearing of the Du’aa.

3. Recite the following Du’aa as well:

Rabbi-j‘alniy Muqeema-Salaati wa min Zurriyatiy Rabbanaa wa Taqabbal Du’aa
Translation: O my Lord! Render me as well as my progeny as establishers of Salâh and accept our Du’aas.

4. Similarly, express your gratitude from the heart in such a manner that you stay happy and try to stay happy at all times. Try to forget all your past sorrows. Build your dreams and keep your hopes and spirits high. Ponder over the bounties of Jannat.

Instead of embroiling yourself in the daily disputes with the mother-in-law and sisters-in law and instead of involving yourself with the unbecoming behaviour of your husband, maintain strict silence. On the impending happiness of the birth of your child, maintain a friendly and trouble-free relationship with all. If you do tend to hurt anyone, apologise immediately and try to forget about the dispute. If you continue vexing others, the evil effects of this nature will fall on the unborn child as well. The conditions of the mother during pregnancy, in fact even her spirit and perceptions during this state has a profound effect on the unborn child.

Hence, a Muslim woman should express gratitude at all times especially during the period of her pregnancy. This gratitude should in turn develop in her the love of Allah Ta’ala. She should ponder that since Allah Ta’ala has blessed us with so many bounties, we should also devote ourselves to Him. To disobey such a majestic benefactor – by strutting about veil-less, watching television, videos, backbiting etc. – at any time and especially during pregnancy is not acceptable. Allah Ta’ala showers His bounties upon us and we in turn disobey Him!?

The first month of pregnancy
Remember that you are not a single entity now. Now a child is being nourished within your own body. With a bit of precaution on your part, this child may become healthy, intelligent, understanding, pious and religious. However, with your negligence and indifference, the child may turn out to be weak, sickly and incompetent.

Hence, your life should not be the same as it was before you fell pregnant. Every moment should be passed with caution and concern over the well-being of yourself as well your child. Therefore, pay careful attention to the following points:

1. Be careful with your diet. Chew your food thoroughly before swallowing. Avoid over-eating and abstain from food that can cause constipation.

2. Eat green, fresh vegetables, like salads, cucumbers etc. in abundance. Make sure that they are clean and washed before use.

3. Drink lots of sour-milk and milk. Drink as much milk as your digestive system can handle. Milk is a very blessed form of nutrition. After consuming other types of food, Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) would utter:

Allahummâ At‘imnâ Khayran-Minhu
Translation: O Allah! Grant us food better than this (in Jannat).

However, milk is of such a blessed nature that there is no food better than milk since after drinking milk Rasûlullâh recited the following Du’aa:

Allahummâ Bârik Lanâ Fîhî wa Zidnâ Minhu
Translation: O Allah! Bless us in this and increase it for us.

In other words, whilst drinking milk, Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) did not ask for something better (as he did in the case of other foods), because there is no better food than milk. This is why he beseeched Allah Ta’ala for Barkat (blessing) and increase in it.

In short, a pregnant woman should drink lots of milk because Allah Ta’ala has placed the vitamins and proteins required by the human body in milk.

If pure or raw milk is detrimental to you, consume it in other forms like Lassî (curds), sour-milk, custard, Khîr etc. This is beneficial to the mother as well as the child.

4. Abstain from tea, coffee, Pân (betel leaf), oil, Ghee, chillies and oily foods. Besides affecting the digestive system, these foods are detrimental to the muscles and nervous system of the mother and may also affect the child.

5. Ensure that you refrain from all types of medication during pregnancy especially pain-relievers. If you are really desperate, consult a reliable female (or male) doctor explaining your pregnancy and conditions to her. It should not be such that you are prescribed medication that is injurious to pregnant women. Some medication clearly states on the label that it is not advisable for pregnant women. Hence, if you are really desperate to use some medication, make sure you scrutinize the label and make thorough investigation before use.

6. In the first three months and the last month, in fact from the seventh month onwards, avoid sexual contact with your husband. This at times, adversely affects the mother and the child.

7. Avoid sleeping late. Try to get at least eight hours of peaceful sleep. This will ensure that your body and mind is well rested. This in turn is beneficial for the child as well and it may simplify delivery of the child.

8. Avoid excessively hard work and picking up very heavy objects as this may lead to a miscarriage. If your cruel mother-in-law or hard-hearted sister-in-law compels you to pick up heavy objects or forces you to carry out some difficult task, then excuse yourself very politely and explain to them that this task is beyond you and that you will pay a labourer to carry out this task.

However, if your cruel mother-in-law or hard-hearted sister-in-law fails to take pity on your condition, explain your helplessness to your husband and with his permission, go to your mother’s house to rest. If you are a sister-in-law to another woman (your brother’s wife), don’t be cruel to her as well. The moment she falls pregnant, try to make her comfortable and relaxed at all times. Your benevolence won’t be directed to your sister-in-law alone but you will be showing mercy to a sinless child, a priceless gem, a blossoming flower, the coolness of your brother’s eyes, a luminance of this worldly life and a source of perpetual reward for the hereafter. The degree of happiness and comfort of your sister-in-law or daughter-in-law will, Inshâ Allah Ta’ala, determine the well-being, health, robustness and happiness of the new arrival.

Source: alinaam
Courtesy: www.everymuslim.net

Our Children

This is the story of a Muslim named Mo.
It’s a symbolic story that many of us may know.
He was born in a Muslim family but they were weak in the deen.
He was a lovely child, he was more precious then anything you’ve seen.
He grew up so quick; it was just a flash before his parent’s eyes.
They didn’t get to teach him about Islam. You know how the time just flies.

Before they knew it, they were sending him off to school.
They were so happy; he shined like a precious little jewel.
He was taught that he was a Muslim, but that’s about all he knew.
He wanted to know more but his dad had way too many things to do.
He had cute little cheeks; they turned rosy as he got tired.
He was a handsome little guy, he was always admired.

But with his parents so busy, he never got to learn about Allah.
The days past by and his parents never taught him how to do Salah.
Some more years past by, and by now his voice began to change.
He felt new emotions, and he liked them, even though they felt strange.
His dad finally took him one day to some Islamic Sunday school.
But he had already learned from his friends that religion just wasn’t cool.

Time passed by and the little man grew older.
With the passage of time his temper became bolder.
His mother was getting worried, he was found to be ditching school.
But she didn’t say anything, or else his temper would flare up like fuel.
He would go to parties and come home all drunk.
And in some of his classes he was now beginning to flunk.

Her cute little rosy-cheeked child had become a wild young man.
She cried every night because teaching him Islam was never in her plan.
He meet a pretty girl named Rose, he thought he loved her for sure.
She noticed how he felt, so she asked him to go out with her.
He thought it was love at first sight, she kissed him on the first date.
But she just wanted to sleep with him, yet to that he had no debate.

He would go out all night with her, sometimes without even saying good-bye.
“Why didn’t I show him the deen?” His father could only cry.
He kept on partying while his family kept on weeping.
And he meet other girls, and with them too he was also sleeping.
He started to look sick, and he wasn’t really felling so good.
His mother just had to cry, he didn’t look like the way he should.

He went to the doctor for what he thought was a cold.
“Young man, you got AIDS,” is what he was told.
When his mom found out she just couldn’t take the pain.
For not teaching him his deen, she knew she was to blame.
Mo got sicker and you could see him getting weaker day by day.
And he didn’t know Allah, so to Him he never prayed.

What could she do now for her once precious little guy?
She knew he needed the deen, but now she could only cry.
His time came one day so the Angel came for his spirit.
His dad told him to say la ilaha illalah, but Mo didn’t hear it.
“What’s that dad? I can’t seem to hear you, everything’s going dull.”
But before Mo ever heard it, the Angel was off with his soul.

His father fell to his knees and cried like he never did before.
He knew he should have taught him the deen, so he felt guilty to the core.

This is the story of little Mo. Lets not let it be the story of our kid’s
situation. So please, my dear brothers and sisters, take this deen to the next
generation with seriousness and its totality
and we must show it to them from our action inshaAllah.

May Allah azza wa jaal guide us all to The Truth Of Al-Islam, protect us from all evils and make us the carriers of Islam to the next generation and the rest of humanity Ameen.

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